Pope Excommunicates Bishop On Suspicion Of Being A Christian

Via The Babylon Bee

ROME — Shockwaves were felt throughout the religious world today, as churches around the globe received official word that the Pope had excommunicated a bishop on suspicion of being a Christian.

Conflicts had arisen regarding the teachings and public statements of Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò, with critics and high-ranking officials within the Catholic Church accusing him of showing signs of being an actual Christian, eventually leading to his dismissal from the church.

“We do not tolerate the practice of Christianity here,” Pope Francis said in an official statement released by the Vatican. “This man disagreed with me so strongly that people began to think he was a Christian. Some said he even started reading and telling other people what the Bible says, which is an unspeakable assault on the Vatican. We had no choice but to remove him from his position and excommunicate him from the Catholic faith.”

Vatican insiders said Viganò’s stubborn refusal to promote unchecked immigration and warn about the evil of climate change while rebuking the church for alleged sex abuse and its deviation from traditional values raised suspicion that he was practicing Christianity. “Shame on him,” said one source. “This is 2024. There is no room in the Catholic Church for the antiquated positions espoused by Christians. He should follow the example of the Pope and not adhere to any basic tenets of Christianity whatsoever.”

At publishing time, the Vatican had sent out a stern warning to all other bishops reminding them that reading the Bible was strictly prohibited.

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19 Comments
Iska Waran
Iska Waran
July 5, 2024 4:13 pm

There is no pope now. Just sayin’. The latest from Crazy Eyes:

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Iska Waran
July 5, 2024 5:32 pm

There is no such thing as antipope, it’s all bs and always has been. I’m not saying this from a sectarian or protestant standpoint.

Arguing about the legitimacy of the pope is like getting suckered into going to DC on January 6th.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Anonymous
July 6, 2024 2:27 am

Closet Christian detected! /s

Anonymous
Anonymous
July 5, 2024 5:14 pm

Funny not funny

Cranky Goat
Cranky Goat
July 5, 2024 5:30 pm

Now excommunicated:

Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano Is Found Guilty of ‘Schism’ and Is Excommunicated by Pope Francis

Gateway Pundit: Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano Is Found Guilty of ‘Schism’ and Is Excommunicated by Pope Francis

Cpt_Obviuos
Cpt_Obviuos
  Cranky Goat
July 5, 2024 5:47 pm

What’s even more telling, no other Archbishops, Cardinals — nobody — tried to help Vigano or be on his side at all.

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
  Cranky Goat
July 5, 2024 5:48 pm

It didn’t stick. Bergoglio can’t excommunicate anyone.

Tom MacGyver
Tom MacGyver
July 5, 2024 5:31 pm

So… Calling out a “pope’s” sins is a sin? ‘Sounds eerily like the DC swamp…

john844
john844
July 5, 2024 6:24 pm

Accurate, even tho it is allegedly satire…

zappalives
zappalives
July 5, 2024 6:47 pm

the vicar of Christ is a PEDOPHILE !
Aint that sumthin CATHOLE-LICS ?

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
  zappalives
July 5, 2024 8:15 pm

Bergoglio? Not the pope. Besides, no pope has ever been impeccable. The first one denied Jesus 3 times.

Anonymous
Anonymous
July 5, 2024 8:21 pm
Anonymouse
Anonymouse
July 5, 2024 11:27 pm

I know that the Catholic’s need to pretend the Pope is a Christian…but he’s a member of the fucking Satanic Jesuit order…so there’s that.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Anonymouse
July 6, 2024 6:29 am

He is also a socialist, and they can’t be Christian either.

Anonymous
Anonymous
July 6, 2024 12:58 am

THERE “NEVER WAS/IS, SUCH THING AS A “PONTIFF MAXIMUMS” REPRESENTING “HUMANITY”…RE-MEM-BER FOLKS???
LEARN THE MEANING OF “I-AM, THAT I-AM”!!!
ONLY THEN WILL YOU BE “SAVED”!!!

k31
k31
July 6, 2024 1:00 am

Lutherans consider ourselves the true Western Catholic Church. We rest our case on Council of Trent and Vatican II.

I realize that doesnt help the layman come to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, so I offer these short clips to help.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  k31
July 6, 2024 6:38 am

Lutherans consider ourselves the true Western C catholic Church. We rest our case on Council of Trent and Vatican II.

The small c catholic means universal. Yet when my church got new hymnals (1970’s)
that used ‘catholic’ instead of ‘universal’. The congregation complained until they printed up little slips of paper that had ‘universal’ on them and pasted them over the offending word ‘catholic‘.
Lutherans are also not one group, there is the very conservative Wisconsin synod, where confirmed women members of the church still cannot vote (at least the last I knew but that was a while ago). The somewhat conservative Missouri synod (which I grew up in) and the very liberal LCA. I have attended all three in my life, and they have very different views on things.

k31
k31
  Anonymous
July 6, 2024 9:36 am

Good points, but ELCA are heretics, even though they call themselves Lutheran. Confessional Lutherans (real Lutherans) have no fellowship whatever with those heretics. I call them heretics, because that’s what the Bible says about such people, not because we merely disagree.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  k31
July 6, 2024 4:46 pm

I don’t disagree with you, and the Methodist.hsve went the same way, embracing LGBTQ clergy. An abomination in my opinion. Jesus invited everyone to his church, but asked them to change and follow him. He also did not make just anyone a leader of his church.
Still everyone believes the others are the heretics and can find Bible versus to support their theory. In the end you have to decide.for yourself
and God will be the judge