U.S. — After a heated battle broke out over golf handicaps, both campaigns have agreed to move the next Presidential debate to TopGolf.
“We’re going to settle this once and for all, on national television, just the way the founders intended,” said former President Trump. “There are many things a man can lie about, but his golf handicap isn’t one of them. For the good of America, I cannot let this stand.”
According to sources, each candidate will have an opportunity to hit three drives before moving on the Angry Birds game. “Number one, I hit the red bird,” explained President Biden. “Number two, I hit the bird with the, ah, the arms and the flappies, the flappies. And point C, I’m going to beat Trump like a drum, just like I beat Medicare. We beat Medicare!”
The change of venue came about after President Biden claimed during the first debate that despite being unable to walk down curbs, he remains a championship-level golfer. “Sure, I stumble walking up the little stairs to the first tee. Maybe it takes me three tries. But then I get there, and I smash it 400 yards, Jack,” said Biden. “I once shot 54 under par to beat Kim Jong-Un! I hit a hole-in-one that bounced out of the cup and into the next cup 256 yards away! That’s a fact!”
At publishing time, the nation had agreed to just forget the election and let the two candidates play a round of golf to decide who’s President.
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