Guest Post From John Wilder
“I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay.” – Monty Python’s Flying Circus
Whelp! All memes from X, and I didn’t even have to scroll more than three times. This is an implosion.
I had very different plans today for this post. During the debate, I had no fewer than 1200 words worth of notes, and had penciled in no fewer than nine really funny jokes on the first pass. It would have been hilarious. I guess that’s just me, pining for the humor of the situation.
But as the debate ended, I realized that wasn’t the post I was going to write. It couldn’t be.
I have predicted that Joe Biden would not be the DNC candidate for the 2024 election on these pages months ago. When the debate happened so very early, I began to wonder: why?
Someone on Team Joe® convinced him (which doesn’t appear to be hard right now) that he needed to debate Trump in June. Why? The conventions hadn’t occurred, and Joe wasn’t even the official nominee, merely the presumptive one.
Now I understand. Having these debates in October would have assured a Trump landslide. Even the deepest blue GloboLeftist couldn’t even salvage this monstrosity in a real manner after an October showing like today. It would not be possible.
So, Team Brandon© (yes, Trump really called him Brandon and Joe didn’t react) decided to get him out early.
To expose him.
Joe is done. He’s finished. His political career is finished, and his candidacy is in shambles. Reports are that his team are in tears, and “25th Amendment” (the one that allows for the removal of incompetent folks as president) are trending on X.
I had predicted that either Gavin Newsom (whose wife allegedly willing banged Harvey Weinstein) or Big Mike Obama would be the candidate months ago. I’m pretty sure I predicted it in the blog, but certainly did so in conversations and it’s too late to check – Ricky might help me here! – that Joe would not be the candidate.
That is now certain. There is another, like they said in Star Wars™: Hillary. I don’t think she’s physically up to the task, but she’s still in the running.
It won’t be Joe. So, here’s my take on the night, along with a few memes. I’ll respond to previous post comments tomorrow (like I said, it’s late). Python, Monty® predicted this years ago. Note, I hope that Joe Biden lives a long and pleasant life, this is in reference to his chances on being elected in November:
A voter watches a debate.
Voter: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The DNC does not respond.)
Voter: ‘Ello, Miss?
DNC: What do you mean “miss”? Are you assumin’ me gender?
Voter: (pause)I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
DNC: We’re closin’ for the Juneteenth Pride Festival.
Voter: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Candidacy what I decided to vote for not half a year ago from this very DNC.
DNC: Oh yes, the, uh, the Scranton Joe…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?
Voter: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. This Candidacy is dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!
DNC: No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s resting. He has COVID.
Voter: Look, matey, I know a dead Candidacy when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.
DNC: No no this Candidacy’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable Candidacy, the Scranton Joe, idn’it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
Voter: The plumage don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.
DNC: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!
Voter: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up! (shouting at the Candidacy) ‘Ello, Mister Dark Brandon! I’ve got a lovely fresh 10% for the Big Guy for you if you show…
(DNC hits the cage)
DNC: There, he moved!
Voter: No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the cage!
DNC: I never!!
Voter: Yes, you did!
DNC: I never, never did anything…
Voter: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) ‘ELLO JOE!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o’clock alarm call!
(Takes Candidacy out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Voter: Now that’s what I call a dead Candidacy.
DNC: No, no…..No, ‘e’s got COVID!
Voter: COVID?!?
DNC: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Scranton Joe stuns easily, major.
Voter: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That Candidacy is definitely deceased, and when I decided to vote for it not ‘alf a year ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged ice cream.
DNC: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for Corn Pop.
Voter: PININ’ for Corn Pop?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got ‘im home?
DNC: Scranton Joe prefers keepin’ on it’s back! Remarkable Candidacy, id’nit, squire? Lovely hair plugs and replacement teeth!
Voter: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Candidacy when I watched the debate, and I discovered the only reason that it had been standing by the podium in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
DNC: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that Candidacy down, it would have nuzzled up to that podium, bent it apart with its strong arm, and VOOM! It would have talked about String Theory in six languages!
Voter: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this Candidacy wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts and a gallon of Adderall® through it! It’s bleedin’ demised!
DNC: No no! ‘E’s pining!
Voter: It’s not pinin’! It’s passed on! This Candidacy is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to the podium it’d be pushing up the daisies! It’s metabolic processes are now ‘istory! It’s off the twig! It’s kicked the bucket, It’s shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-CANDIDACY!!
(pause)
DNC: Well, I’d better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of Candidacy, except for Big Mike, Hillary, and Gavin.
Voter: I see. I see, I get the picture.
DNC: (pause) I got a Kamala.
(pause)
Voter: Pray, does it talk?
DNC: Nnnnot really. Slurs quite a bit like it’s drunk.
Voter: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
DNC: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
Voter: Well.
(pause)
DNC: (quietly) D’you…. d’you want to come back to my place?
Voter: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure, it is the Juneteenth Pride Festival.
DNC: (to the audience) Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to be… a lumberjack!
