NEW YORK, NY — In an earlier-than-expected announcement, Fox News declared Joe Biden the winner of tonight’s presidential debate.
The call was immediately criticized by several prominent conservatives as “premature” and “partisan,” but Fox News announced its intention to stand by its assessment.
Sources close to the news outlet said the decision to call tonight’s debate for Biden was based on a combination of early voting patterns, historical debate patterns, rigorous mathematical analysis, and a desire to artificially sway public discourse before the debate even took place.
“We are completely confident in our decision to call the debate for Biden,” said Chief Political Anchor Bret Baier as he waited for the debate to begin. “While some might protest this move as an attempt to influence the debate results for Biden, we at Fox News are committed to accuracy, fairness, and following what the numbers say. This may not be the outcome that Trump supporters wanted, but it was the right choice to make.”
While the Trump campaign has released a statement labeling the network as “FAKE NEWS,” the White House assured Americans that they can trust Fox News on this, but only this one time.
At publishing time, Fox News had also declared Biden the winner of the September 10 presidential debate and called the state of Arizona for him again.
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