NORTHERN MARIANA ISLANDS — US authorities recently confirmed that Wikileaks founder Julian Assange will finally get to end his 14-year long legal battle by accepting a plea deal which will include a complimentary flight home on a Boeing airplane, paid for by the US Department of Justice.
Sources say that the Justice Department is doing its best to make sure that Assange, a whistleblower whom the US government has been seeking to take down ever since he released thousands of confidential documents back in 2010, will be perfectly safe as he travels back to see his family.
“We’ve buried the hatchet with Assange,” said Attorney General Merrick Garland in a press conference. “He’s cool with us now — in fact, we like him so much that we want to make sure he gets home in tip-top condition, which is why we’re paying for his Boeing flight home. Nothing but the best for our pals, nothing but the best. He’ll be totally safe as he soars home on that shiny new 737 — all the best and see you on the other side, Julian me lad!”
Assange has been assured that he will be in experienced hands as he travels, as Boeing has had plenty of experience taking care of people who release sensitive information which harms a larger organization.
At publishing time, the Department of Justice had offered Edward Snowden a special plea deal with a free Boeing flight as well.
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