Tomorrow we are headed to Wildwood for our annual vacation. The start of summer wouldn’t be complete without a reposting of this TBP classic from 2011.
UPDATE 2020: Fat Moe’s days at the shore are over. He left for the big litter box in the sky. The Section 8 couple, skinny Mike and Fat Foul Mouthed Joyce broke up when Mike was sent to State Prison for selling heroin in a school zone. She immediately shacked up with a huge black dude who ended up taking her away to Florida.
We sold the condo in January 2019, so no more Section 8 stories. It was an interesting 12 years as a condo owner. Now we’re just renters.
UPDATE 2021: My real estate acumen has been proven once again. We had the condo up for sale for 3 years without a nibble from 2016 through 2018. We finally sold it for $240,000 – an $85,000 loss after 12 years. The condo above ours just sold for $389,000, two years after we sold. At least I got that big tax writeoff.
Update 2022: Condo in my old complex sold for $489,000 in the last few months.
Enjoy
I bet you’ve been waiting for another cat story. Well this one doesn’t involve my dumbass cats. The start of my vacation didn’t exactly go the way I wanted. I worked until 5:00 pm last Friday. Avalon headed down with the kids and the cats earlier in the day. I had to go pick up my mother and her fat cat after work to bring them down. I bet you are all jealous. Avalon, my three kids, one friend, one girlfriend, a mother, and three cats in my one floor condo. Sounds relaxing, doesn’t it.
My mother’s cat is the size of a freaking house. She says he is just big boned.
We had to practically pry him into his cat carrier for the 2 hour trip to Wildwood. This cat never meows, according to my mother. Well, from the second I put him in my little Honda Insight, this cat never shut the f#$k up. He meowed non-stop the entire trip. We figured out why he was meowing about 45 minutes into the trip when the aroma of cat piss started wafting through my very tiny car. This was supposed to be the start of my relaxing vacation and my blood pressure was rising by the second.
We arrived in Wildwood with a fat dumbass cat covered in his own piss. This is where the story gets surreal. My crazy ass mother decides to get the hose and spray the cat down in his carrier. Not the brightest move of all time. She now had a fat, urine soaked, wet, panicked cat in the carrier. I ignored the festivities as I lugged luggage into the house. I brought the carrier onto the deck.
You were probably wondering how Section 8 housing in the title of the article could be involved in a story that takes place at a shore resort, a half a block from the Atlantic Ocean. I’ll address the Section 8 aspect later, but for now you need to know that a black family consisting of a 50 year old guy that doesn’t work, his 350 pound loud mouth wife, her 75 year old mother with a walker, and a teenage dullard live in the condo unit next to ours year round. That’s right. No one in the house works and they live at a beach resort year round.
Evidently, they don’t like to waste their government money on air conditioning. They leave their front door completely open so that you can see them in their living room and kitchen. Well, they used to leave their door open until the crazy old lady and her fat cat incident. My mother had her knee replaced five weeks ago. She isn’t the most mobile 75 year old and she sometimes doesn’t show much common sense. She decided to dry Fat Moe with a towel before letting him inside. One problem. Fat Moe was in panic mode and as soon as my mother unhooked the carrier, Fat Moe made a beeline into the black family’s house. The old guy thought it was a rabid possum. Without introducing herself, my crazy mother ran into their house after Moe. The 350 pound lady screamed because she is afraid of wet urine soaked cats. In the meantime, I continued to lug bags up the stairs while muttering under my breath – DUMBASS.
The cat ran into the dullard teenager’s room and hid under the bed. My mother, with her new knee, spent 20 minutes trying to get fat Moe out of their house. She eventually succeeded. Moe still smelled like piss, so my mother and Avalon grabbed him and threw him in the tub and washed him down with Victoria Secret shampoo. He looked like a fat drowned rat and they decided to blow dry him. My mother held him and Avalon used her blow dryer on him. He liked it.
Later, on the deck, the 350 pound lady asked if my mother was alright, inferring that she was crazy. Not far from the truth. By the end of the night, Fat Moe was the best smelling cat in Wildwood.
Section 8 at Beach Resorts?
My condo is one of 7 units located a half block from the beach in Wildwood. They were built in 2001. One guy bought 3 of the units pre-construction as an investment. His name is Pete. He owns one of the largest blueberry farms in NJ. He shall be known as Fat Pete for the remainder of the story, as he weighs approximately 500 pounds. He sold me our unit in 2004 and sold one of his other units later. He continues to own the unit next to mine. For awhile, he let friends and family, use his unit. But, as the real estate market imploded, he has been left owning 9 different investment properties in Wildwood. He needed cash flow. This is where the story gets interesting.
I have very little understanding about Section 8 housing. Here is a description:
Section 8 of the United States Housing Act of 1937 (often simply known as Section 8), as repeatedly amended, authorizes the payment of rental housing assistance to private landlords on behalf of approximately 3.1 million low-income households. It operates through several programs, the largest of which, the Housing Choice Voucher program, pays a large portion of the rents and utilities of about 2.1 million households. The US Department of Housing and Urban Development manages the Section 8 programs. The Housing Choice Voucher Program provides “tenant-based” rental assistance, so an assisted tenant can move with assistance from one unit of at least minimum housing quality to another. Section 8 also authorizes a variety of “project-based” rental assistance programs, under which the owner reserves some or all of the units in a building for low-income tenants, in return for a Federal government guarantee to make up the difference between the tenant’s contribution and the rent specified in the owner’s contract with the government. A tenant who leaves a subsidized project will lose access to the project-based subsidy.
Somehow, Fat Pete got approval to turn his unit into Section 8 housing. He is evidently receiving $2,000 per month in rent from you and me so that this family of “poor” people can live year round in a beach resort, one half block from the Atlantic Ocean. I’m positive there are multiple Social Security disability payments pouring into their bank account. The 350 pound loud mouth is surely disabled. She parks her car in a meter spot for free because she has her little disability tag. When did being a pig and being grossly overweight become a disability? The old lady with the walker is definitely getting a payment. I don’t know what scam the 50 year old dude has going, since he is clearly able bodied. He sits on the deck reading the paper and drinking beer. They probably get something for the dullard.
As the country spends $4 billion per day more than it brings in, how many of these scams are going on across the land? This shit needs to end. These lowlife deadbeats need to work and earn a living rather than suck off the teat of state. Yeah, we need massive cuts in the military. We need to crush the banks. We need to scrap the tax code. But, we need to throw lazy pieces of shit out of their cushy resort living fantasy land too. As you slave away at your 8 to 6 job trying to make ends meet, remember that you are paying your taxes so that lazy freeloaders can live in a beach resort for free.
So concludes my story about a fat dumbass cat, a crazy old lady, and Section 8 at the beach.
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House prices in NJ are batshit insane.
Today’s Shit Ledger ………. Montclair home was listed for $749,000 in April ……… and closed this week for $1,050,000 !!!
House is 100 fucken years old. Probably get it for $99,000 in Bumfuk, Arkansas
Insane is right. OTOH, I talk to Realtors all day long. Their, in unison, comment on the current real estate market?
“The market is shifting, don’t be greedy”. FWIW.
A bargain.
This one is $2million Canadian, and is listed as a tear down. Only 74 years old.
https://www.realtor.ca/real-estate/24395048/3559-haida-drive-vancouver
https://www.zillow.com/vancouver-bc/?searchQueryState=%7B%22pagination%22%3A%7B%7D%2C%22usersSearchTerm%22%3A%22Vancouver%2C%20BC%22%2C%22mapBounds%22%3A%7B%22west%22%3A-123.20815656252029%2C%22east%22%3A-123.02053067751052%2C%22south%22%3A49.16187612034698%2C%22north%22%3A49.31396993577578%7D%2C%22regionSelection%22%3A%5B%7B%22regionId%22%3A791534%2C%22regionType%22%3A6%7D%5D%2C%22isMapVisible%22%3Atrue%2C%22filterState%22%3A%7B%22sort%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3A%22globalrelevanceex%22%7D%2C%22ah%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Atrue%7D%7D%2C%22isListVisible%22%3Atrue%2C%22mapZoom%22%3A13%7D
Good thing they raised the minimum wage here.
Not even a garage! And property taxes about $16,000/year
It that AR slur supposed to be fucking funny? AR, especially north central AR in the Ozarks is a gorgeous, rural, white, low crime slice of heaven with a low cost of living, a sane lack of gun control and yes, reasonable real estate prices.
Maybe you oughta do some traveling?
Great response…the dude is from New Jersey so there’s that…
Sssshhhhhhhh!! Let em think “Podunk “USA in general is somehow less liveable than the astronomically overpriced , crime ridden facade that the blue urban and metro areas have become .I think you live in Wa as I do , my particual western wa Podunk is now transforming into an extended corridor of the urban shithole
Do NOT encourage anyone to do any ‘traveling’ … if word gets out that AR is a worthwhile place to live, it will end up turning into a POS place within 3 years …
The first clue is sighting a NY license plate.
To my dismay,i have found “vibrant” Section 8 diversity has arrived in my own small town. Shyte. I have already moved 4 times.
You had me at White and rural. Even a meth lab/whore house next door is better than living among blacks.
Call you comment winner of the day Jack!
Zip your pie hole. we like it this way
I live in the Ozarks and I love it here, but we in MO have things to think about too:
From Arkansas … it does need a car in the yard
I remember Kurt Saxon talking about where he lived [ throwing in why ] added to your description, “ 150 miles of hillbillies in every direction and they are all armed”.
Somebody, anybody, please, buy this place, you would be my neighbor!
https://www.land.com/property/5809-Highway-1689-Sidney-Texas-76474/13452830/
Can you loan me $11,000,000? I can barely afford my one acre in Georgetown.
You have to be pulling my middle leg, It has scant land and not even a Coach house for the Tesla . In fact it is so small I think it is a doll house, However the intricate garden is an amazement of a shovel off a trailer and painted wood chips. What a dumb ass… even the roof is not a match
“Update 2022: Condo in my old complex sold for $489,000 in the last few months.”
Thats gotta sting.
Or $40,000 in Johnstown, PA.
I live in Bumfuk Arkansas. For a small fraction of that I have a bigger, nicer, newer house on 27 acres.
https://m.youtube.com/results?sp=mAEA&search_query=most+affordable+housing+in+usa
A balloned framed piece of s…
Circa pre modern western platform …..
Wow, enjoy the “vacation”! It’s off to a great start.
Your Fat Moe story reminds me of every time I walk my daughter’s dog he has to take a crap in the only yard where people are on their front porch.
We could walk for miles, passing home after home. Then, if people are on their porch, he’s gotta take a dump. The little rat bastard knows what he’s doing, I swear….
Have a wild time in Wildwood!
After he takes crap in neighbors lawn, pick it up AZ you should, then punt your fucking crap dog all they way back to yer own front yard.
The AZ is bee kaawz my e x lives In pheennixxx ….yeah, and all THAT
Perfect since right?
Your FAT cat reincarnated in our house. Pretty much, our house qualifies for cat-section-8. If you ever miss him, Jim, come visit!
God bless Fat Cat,may he enjoy the next chapter of life!
![comment image](https://i.postimg.cc/Jn5pv5jx/tumblr-d63dbf92910f038bf2c9b488f4c84712-083e9801-400.gif)
Starts with an “N”, and rhymes with chiggers.
You can say it.
What a great story, up to the section 8 part. Tears were running down my face 😂 as I read about your Mom and Fat Moe.
And the urinary cat carrier incident.
It’s “buy high, sell low”, right? I can never remember.
“buy pill, sell ho”
Ha!
Barry!
Brilliant show!
Buy pills
Sell homes.
But NohoHank thinks the big money is in construction sand.
“Noho “huh ? I take it you are a bachelor then ?
Admin, sounds like a very cozy vacation. I’m jealous…..Bullshit! It could bring a religious man to drink clear liqueur by the sounds of it.
Welcome to America. Your articles are great.
Welcome to America. Your articles are great !
“Dave’s here, man.”
Admin sells house. Neighborhood prices skyrocket. No surprise, right? Who wants to live next to an angry mick in a perpetual foul mood? Avalon would be a good neighbor, of course, angel that she is. But can you imagine living next to the Admin? How would anyone get any rest, when the cries of “Blow me! Don’t let the door hit you on the ass!” would echoe through the neighborhood at all hours.
We’d make good neighbors. Anything available in your neighborhood.
Sometimes. We would probably end up throwing rocks at each other over the fence over an OWS argument, get drunk, make up, beat up on some stupid loony left passers by, rinse, repeat. It would be glorious.
Llpoh
Monkeys don’t throw rocks. If you know what I mean.
There I go again seeing red, wishing so many be dead. Not really, I love everyone, especially Uncle Stasi-Sam. xxoo
Wow, livin the dream in an overpriced shithole state…who knew.
This girl is on fire!!!
B-roll footage from the same event:
For whatever Company constructed the deck.
Fatnog “Bring me a twinkie honey”
Whipped “Yes dear. Here you are.”
Fatnog “Oh Hell No! I know you didn’t just bring me one Twinkie! Where’s that motherf***ing case?”
I lay prostrate…
Uhggg, eye bleach time. Don’t do that again!!
The after party was….nice:
No “Wooooooo Pig Soooooee!!!”
Niggerbaiting is a crime.
? What strange dimension did I get dropped into?
“The start of summer wouldn’t be complete without a reposting of this TBP classic from 2011.”
That video would have gone internationally viral if those fucking fat ass 21 piece meal each, fried chicken consuming she-hippos, from the dark incontinent had crashed through the deck.
Mein Gott!
those things don’t even look human. I’m serious, it’s like another species- that cannot be human anatomy, is this a spoof? Are those done with hollyweird make-up effects?
Sad part is how much this will cost working people to pay for knee replacements, meds and 25-35 years of nursing homes, Dr appointments, wound care.. disgusting. They can laugh it up now but none of them will be ambulatory by the time they are 60.
Bio-Diesel On The Hoof.
If you continue to send your hard earned currency to your IRS agent, you will continue to get the government you deserve.
Juneteenth, because the 19th of June just sounds retarded.
Never sell a house. Just rent it out. Learned that from my old man. He never made more than 30k a year but died a millionaire with 5 houses.
I started with a little condo 30 years ago. Still own it. Paid off 2 years ago.
Blackrock copied my old man’s idea!
Just rent it out.
That plan?
Does not work well in Califoolio.
Doesn’t work well in many places even under the best of circumstances.
Unless you have motivational techniques mastered to rid your rental of parasitic boons.
It’s not hard.
Booms are superstitious as hell
Just tell them in an offhand way: “The prior tenants all died due to mysterious causes. The ones before that? All disappeared without trace after not paying their rent. The blacks before that? I murdered or they would have killed me.”
90 points IQ fucking tard-boons
That only worked because interest rates were going down for 40 years. That “strategy” will never work again.
This one^^^^^^ gets it. Costs, local Government taxes, government rent control coming . Do the Ari Gold thing and get the F…. out. I am Not kidding. ….. I have a home, a beautiful home with a renter clown who stripped his Harley Davison in the Lounge room because it was leaking oil. That did it for me, the cost was not covered under insurance… Because Blah Blah blah it is not specifically noted in your premium
rental properties are only assets when rates decrease, during inflationary times, properties become liabilities
I’m sorry but you forget that we live in a world that is temporal. I sell everything after 7 years to those who want to be rung up at 2.00am … My shower is cold, my door rattles in the wind, my A/c on heat stops and starts, I have a draft under the doors, I have an ant on the kitchen top, I have a dead cockroach at the entry, I think I saw a mouse, I have Locked myself out, can you let me in…, NO NO NO more. Insanity is owning a property and renting it.
Back when people paid their rent. It’s a crap shoot now, they might or might not.
I must have missed this one when you posted it last year. Thanks for making me laugh until I had tears running down my face! Had to keep taking my glasses off and wipe my eyes to keep reading🤣🤣🤣
LMAO awesome. If you were HSF writer he would have hit the big time and still be doing comedy.
Section 8 in LA County was a gold mine for those connected to the purse strings … and only 2 developers used to get the ‘contracts’ to build Section 8, even when they weren’t the lowest price: Goldrich & Kest and Shapell Industries …
Two Section 8 projects stand out in my memory: one in Beverly Hills — strictly for a very ‘targeted’ audience since every unit had 2 kitchens (for kosher cooking, obviously); the other at the north end of Venice Beach … again, strictly for a very ‘targeted’ audience that got to live on taxpayer money right on the beach …
Here in Clark County, WA (basically, Vancouver), it’s the various Russian nationalities who get so many of the Section 8 spots — US Citizens and Taxpayers just get to pay for it all.
Section 8,
Full of hate,
For the people,
Who fill the plate.
I thought all of Wildwood was section 8.
The sweet:
$2,000 a month from dot gov.
The sour:
The $60,000 in repairs after they move out
is on you.
Someone I used to work with had that occur. He sold all of his rentals after Section 8 ruined a couple.
My sister in law looked like the white cat. I just assumed she was constipated.
Same thing happened to me, Jim !! Sold my investment RE, 3 parcels, one year before
the explosion. Cost me $2 million !! Now I live on SS, for as long as it lasts. It’s the
shits to be unlucky. Mike
Dems Jogga’s got emancipated or some such thing. My Grandad says a fat Jogger is no jogger at all and should go back on the farm…. His Farm is in South Africa and jogger there want to take it for Free. So YES Dem’s some fat assed lazy do nothings and they be laughing at you because ….. Happy Juneteenth suckers
This was one of the funniest posts I can remember. I have 3 cats and 2 big dogs. They sleep in the shop/garage and are never allowed in the house as they are farm pets. Most of the time they are no trouble unless one of them get sick.
Unfortunately, one of the cats, she’s a 5 yr old tiny thing that tends to get bladder infections, came down with a fairly painful infection which caused her to avoid the litter box because they associate it with pain. So she peed all over the shop and this caused the dogs to start peeing on the tires. This is exactly why they are not allowed in the house.
Anyway, eventually I found a supplement that breaks up what they call kidney crystals. It’s the only thing I found that works. Shop was mopped with bleach and vinegar. No more peeing in the shop.😁
The downside of my Pyreneeses in AR is I have to let them inside during the day in summer. I reason with myself that they pay their rent in keeping all the livestock safe.
Can you shear their hair in summer? Leave the hair about 1 inch long? Should grow back by the onset of winter.
Great story! I don’t miss the Jersey shore at all. Spent a few summers of my mis-spent yute (nothing was mis-spent,fun times) in the early 90’s in Sleaze Isle City. Good times, never to return. Not my scene. Give me Hatteras or Ocracoke anytime. Less people is best people.
TBPers, Dirtperson Steve is now a SC resident. Works in Aiken, lives off I-20 25 miles east outside of Wagener.
Hands down my all time favorite.
This story is an allegory for the white trash Biden Crime families future as Section 8 residents of a New Jersey trailer park…right?
I’m not sure that the photo of those 4 lovely, hardworkers is who this article (Section 8 At The Beach) is based on or not.
What I do know is beyond my ability to talk about. The pain I feel inside myself is not able to be spoken on. Pain like I’ve never had before. Pain that comes mostly with old age, after a person puts in their 40+ years of hard physical work using their hands, their efforts, their knowledge of how-to build or restore, just to see freeloaders of this caliber. Since when did the world have to be so careful that if they went on an extended vacation they may possibly come home to 5 or more horrible scammers that have submitted claims to local gov’t that somehow will award these squatters a FREE home.
It’s the politicians that created this situation where the ‘law’ will stand behind these people who are too fat, lazy, entitled or mentally capable to WORK for what they want, not steal it from some old timer who did exactly that—-worked their butt off to own a home where they can bring up a family.
My soul is crying hard.
Taxpayers put up Section 8 housing on the far north end of Venice Beach in the ’80s … more than 95% of the tenants were jewish — which was the intention all along …
“Disabled”..gotta love it. Down the road from me is a “disabled” broad. She got into a car accident a few years back. Lost some nerve function in one leg. At first she was wheel chair bound, then she pushed the wheel chair around while walking, then went to a walker on wheels, to now limping. Some how in the mix she got social security disability. Not the kind someone who worked and put into the system for 30 years gets, but the other kind. You see she never worked her whole life. Her husband worked and he died. He left her the property which was completely paid for. Now she lives free on US in a place that has equity, but can collect off every program there is. ‘MURICA
Thank you Jim for this walk down memory lane- those wonderful days when we were only running a four billion dollars a day deficit. Life was so simple back then.
Visited Wildeood NJ in
74. Never been back, no desire too.
People STILL don’t get it. The only reason why real estate hasn’t bombed in a dead AI no job economy is the US Stock Market. That’s where the big fake money is,and wholly paid for by the Fed and the trillions they printed to reach new highs when $9T disappeared in 2 yrs – to be paid by taxpayers directly and thru massive inflation, many of whom don’t own stocks. The biggest financial fraud and wealth transfer to Woke Corp CEOs in history will soon unfold. And that’s how they all went woke.
If your retirement accounts are as fat and happy as you, congrats for being part of the scam to keep America woke. If you sold your stocks, hats off to a real American.