Merrick Garland Threatens To Arrest Anyone Who Says His DOJ Is Corrupt

Via The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As accusations continue to mount regarding the impartiality of the American justice system, U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garland threatened to arrest anyone who said his Department of Justice was corrupt.

Though clear evidence was presented by many on the right of DOJ targeting political opponents with questionable charges and harsh sentences while ignoring illegal activity from people on the left, Garland vowed to bring the full weight of the federal government on anyone who dares to question his fairness.

“Anyone who questions the impeccable integrity of my Department of Justice is a danger to democracy and must be arrested,” Garland said in a statement. “It’s un-American to question my authority. And if you do, you probably need to be indicted for something or other. Don’t worry, we’ll find something.”

Critics of the Justice Department pointed to Garland’s statement as further proof of DOJ corruption. “So if I disagree with the conduct of the DOJ and accuse them of being corrupt, I’ll get arrested?” asked outraged citizen Josh Norton. “I don’t know… that sounds exactly like something a CORRUPT JUSTICE DEPARTMENT would say!”

Norton was then arrested by federal agents and placed in solitary confinement at an undisclosed location, where he will remain despite not being charged with a crime or receiving any official hearing.

At publishing time, the DOJ had attempted to prove its impartiality by presenting Hunter Biden with a $12 parking ticket.

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25 Comments
Anonymous
Anonymous
June 12, 2024 12:44 pm

Guess that’s why the want to take your guns.

Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
  Anonymous
June 12, 2024 6:33 pm

The only reason these satanic creatures want our guns taken so badly
after 246 years, is because we will shoot them for what they have planned for us.
If you give up your guns, you will be killed or enslaved.
It’s in every history book on earth.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Anonymous
June 12, 2024 1:04 pm

What is it with blonde negresses?

beau
beau
  Anonymous
June 12, 2024 1:33 pm

race envy.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  beau
June 13, 2024 9:50 am

Bam! There it is! Detailed studies have been published on that very phenomenon. It’s fascinating, actually.

Anthony Aaron
Anthony Aaron
  Anonymous
June 12, 2024 4:20 pm

Cultural appropriation … apparently it’s just fine if they do it …

James
James
June 12, 2024 1:35 pm

“Garlands doj is not only corrupt but a joke”…..

There,I said it!

comment image

Now what?!

Aunt Acid
Aunt Acid
  James
June 12, 2024 9:33 pm

Not a joke, James, but instead a powerful apparatus of state, the national government’s control, and under no circumstance should be made light of. It is an major head of the USSA’s hydra. And, most importantly, a huge device for the Communist Democrats in lawfare against Americans. Just Us.

VOWG
VOWG
  Aunt Acid
June 13, 2024 7:09 am

True, yet there is one ignorant person who down voted the truth.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  VOWG
June 13, 2024 9:58 am

Isn’t there always? Try not to lose sight of the fact that you are now living in Enemy territory. Sort of like a fish reminding itself it’s in water. It’s easy to lose sight of when you were literally born into it.

Now I gotta go watch The Matrix and Idiocracy again. That always makes me feel centered.

flash
flash
  The Central Scrutinizer
June 13, 2024 10:16 am

Bruh, if you don’t bless Garland, you can’t expect to be raptured.
Do you even EvangiBoomerTwoGospelThirdTempleRedHeiferRoastChristianZionistRaptureTard…smh,

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  James
June 13, 2024 9:52 am

Ecstasy Frozen In Time.

It’s the feline equivalent of the human “O face” .

Capt Barty
Capt Barty
June 12, 2024 1:44 pm

“Find something to arrest you….” May be from the Babylon Bee, but it is the actual mentality of many cops, and they’ll say it.

Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
  Capt Barty
June 12, 2024 6:35 pm

“Show me the man, and I’ll show you the crime.”

– Levrentiy Beria Garland

Guess their ehnicity….

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  Colorado Artist
June 13, 2024 9:59 am

That was Joseph Stalin you just ripped off.

Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
  The Central Scrutinizer
June 13, 2024 6:14 pm

Swing and a miss, Langley.

As usual.

Look it up.

And I didn’t rip it off, I quoted it with attribution.

No mystery why your superiors assigned you to this little nothing outpost to monitor and try to infuence. Epic Fail.

Anonymouse
Anonymouse
June 12, 2024 4:09 pm

Garland is a Communist train wreck, we dodged a bullet when he failed to get the SCOTUS appointment.

Ed
Ed
  Anonymouse
June 12, 2024 6:30 pm

If they try again, there will only be a few republicons willing to oppose his appointment.

ScalpelSharp
ScalpelSharp
June 12, 2024 5:34 pm

Biden request Hunter be placed in most corrupt prison in order for him to access crack.

Colorado Artist
Colorado Artist
  ScalpelSharp
June 12, 2024 6:43 pm

POTATUS will simply commute any sentence..If there even is one.

The Devil's Advocate
The Devil's Advocate
June 12, 2024 8:52 pm

I guess this was supposed to be satire, but if you’ve been paying attention at all lately, this almost exactly what is happening now.

JOSEY WALES
JOSEY WALES
June 12, 2024 10:11 pm

WELL IT IS CORRUPT ALONG WITH HIS COMMIE ASS.

Tlate
Tlate
June 13, 2024 8:18 am

Hey if you are a demo attorney general the law does not apply to you or your agency. See how that works. It works out really well for Garland and Biden. Now that’s what I call a dictatorship when the President doesn’t follow the law, his attorney general backs him up and says he doesn’t have to follow the law either. Good times!

TN Patriot
TN Patriot
June 14, 2024 8:01 pm

Thank goodness the Dept. of Just Us decided that Merrick Garland ignoring a CONgressional subpoena was not a crime like it was for Peter Navarro and Steve Bannon.