CNN Claims Hunter Conviction Is Russian Disinformation

Via The Babylon Bee

U.S. — A new CNN report citing several anonymous sources claims Hunter Biden’s convictions on all 3 felonies today bear the distinct marks of Russian disinformation.

“Our expert, highly credible, expert, and very reliable expert anonymous sources from deep within the intelligence community have all said these convictions are likely the result of an elaborate disinformation campaign from Russia,” said CNN anchor Jim Acosta. “We urge the public to ignore these convictions until we have more details. Do not watch any news sources except CNN, as we are the only ones with this information. You can trust me, because I’m Jim Acosta.”

CNN went on to report that approximately 50,000 intelligence officials were all in complete agreement and that anyone who disagreed with them was probably a danger to democracy.

Sources also confirmed that Hunter begged for clemency in the case, citing the CNN story about his conviction being Russian disinformation.

At publishing time, the DOJ had weighed in, saying Hunter’s conviction was not disinformation, but his drug possession, sex trafficking, and international bribery definitely were.

President Biden Says He Is Still Proud Of His Son For Getting Away With Everything Else He Did

WASHINGTON, DC — In a heartwarming display of paternal affection, President Biden has responded to his son Hunter’s conviction on three federal felony gun charges by reminding the nation that he is still proud of Hunter for getting away with everything else he did.

The president’s inspiring words of support and affirmation for his son praised him for getting away with other crimes, such as drug possession, underage sex trafficking, and bribery.

“And speaking of the America, I’d like to remind you all that I’m very proud of, you know, the thing! Hunter!” President Biden said as the White House staffer who was supposed to be making sure he didn’t get into trouble flushed red and waved his arms in a desperate attempt to get Biden to stop talking. “I’m so proud of that Hunter boy, not only for what he’s done to get him in this frugecuielneug… but for all the things he got away with, too. So many things! PAUSE. Always, you know – putting aside 10% for the big guy, that’s what Hunter does. Good boy, Hunter.”

Biden was forced to pause as several White House staffers whisked him away off stage and claimed that he was “already late for another engagement.”

At publishing time, several reporters were seen wiping away tears at the sight of the president’s paternal care before editing anything Biden mentioned about Hunter out of their articles.

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14 Comments
Iska Waran
Iska Waran
June 11, 2024 2:14 pm

Are these “Russians” in the room with us right now?

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Iska Waran
June 11, 2024 6:29 pm

No,but the Ukrainians are and they are demanding all money!

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  Iska Waran
June 11, 2024 11:37 pm

Show us on the doll where the FSB touched you.

One scenario
One scenario
June 11, 2024 3:02 pm

Suicide in Prison.

Spends the rest of his days on the shores of the Mediterranean lounging with jeffy e.

YourAverageJoe
YourAverageJoe
  One scenario
June 11, 2024 8:35 pm

He ain’t gonna see a single day behind bars.

So, What You're sayin'...
So, What You're sayin'...
  YourAverageJoe
June 11, 2024 8:43 pm

“He ain’t gonna see a single day behind bars.”

…Just EXACTLY Like jeffy e., jizzlane, sammy B. fried, horned dude Jacob Chansley, etc.?

Aunt Acid
Aunt Acid
June 11, 2024 3:26 pm

The conviction was a result of either rayssissm or global warming.

Plus famous felons are apparently all the rage this year.

Trapped in Portlandia
Trapped in Portlandia
June 11, 2024 3:58 pm

The world is in a sad state, when I actually need to look to see if the headline is from Babylon Bee.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
  Trapped in Portlandia
June 11, 2024 11:39 pm

Life is interesting though, ain’t it?

Anonymous
Anonymous
June 11, 2024 4:34 pm

The outpouring of sympathy from the and grief from the liberal media is enough to well…make you puke.
And now we know there is no two tier system of justice because poor Hunter got convicted of real crimes hundreds of others have been convicted of and Trump got convicted of a made up crime that had never happened before in history and will never happen again.

I know I will rest easier tonight knowing exactly how fair the liberal media told me everything is for everyone that dissents from the Democrats official line! (sarc)

Anonymous
Anonymous
June 11, 2024 7:56 pm

Probably another fake trial like Alex Jones had. Lights cameras action!

YourAverageJoe
YourAverageJoe
June 11, 2024 8:34 pm

I guess the 10% for the big guy is over and done with.

k31
k31
June 11, 2024 10:54 pm

The crimes that he is guilty of by video evidence alone have much steeper minimum sentencing. This is bullshit.

The Central Scrutinizer
The Central Scrutinizer
June 11, 2024 11:36 pm

Wait…WHAT? Oh shit, that’s funny!