GOD BLESS MARVIN HEEMEYER

Guest Post by The Redheaded Libertarian

“I was always willing to be reasonable. Until I had to be unreasonable. Sometimes reasonable men, must do unreasonable things.” – Marvin Heemeyer

June 4, 2024 marks the 20th anniversary of libertarian Folk hero Marvin Heemeyer’s Killdozer Ride through Granby, Colorado.

Buckle up for a wild tale in a Killdozer.

There once lived a man of humble means named Marvin Heemeyer. Marvin owned a muffler shop in Granby, Colorado.

Marv was a simple man. Paid his taxes. Owned his business. Lived a quiet life.

Until one day, the City Council went full King George on our blessed Patriot.

Now, The City Council had approved the building of a concrete factory across the street from Marvin’s muffler shop. That would have been fine- However, this building would block the only access road to Marvin’s business.

Marvin petitioned first to have the construction stopped- he was rejected.

Marvin petitioned again to build another access road. Even offered to do it himself- boom. denied.

So despite his best efforts, the concrete business was built anyway. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, it’s construction cut off Marvin’s sewage lines from the town.

Marvin’s business was effectively isolated from the town right down to his toilets.

So how did the City Council respond? They did something right?!

Of course! Naturally, like every dystopian central planning board of fight communists, they fined Marvin.

So Marvin’s business was destroyed. He had fines to pay. He was ignored by his city government.

All seemed lost- But the spirit of the great American Swamp Fox coursed through the veins of our legend and he decided to do the only logical thing he could think of — And build a killdozer.

Over the course of the next 18 months, Marvin would upgrade a bulldozer he’d purchased with 3ft thick steel armor, a camera, and bullet proof glass.

And on the fourth day of June in the 2004th year of our lord, Marvin and his killdozer would burst through the side of his own muffler shop before plowing through the walls of that concrete factory like some kind of Paul Revere Koolaid Man off to deliver a hell of a message

Marvin and his mighty steed would blow through 13 more buildings owned by the tyrants who destroyed his life, as if they were the Hessian mercenaries at Trenton and he was their Christmas night surprise.

Marvin avoided all people using his camera. Marvin was a gentle man.

Entire SWAT teams were brought to their knees by Killdozer, like the cowardly redcoats at Lexington and Concord. Explosives were no match for Killdozer, for Killdozer was an impenetrable work of art— the Mona Lisa, if you will, of reconnaissance automobiles.

The comeuppance of the city planners would continue until Marvin and Killdozer became trapped in the final building where Marvin would sacrifice his own life and l immortalize himself in our hearts and minds, forever. There would be no other casualties.

A note discovered later would answer any questions as to why Marvin Heemeyer did what he did. It read,
“I was always willing to be reasonable. Until I had to be unreasonable. Sometimes reasonable men, must do unreasonable things.”

God Bless Marvin. And God Bless his mighty Killdozer.

On this day in 2004, an American legend was born. Happy Killdozer Day everyone. pic.twitter.com/7SHFw8jkVJ

— Ron Rule (@ronrule) June 4, 2024

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